Sex Ed and Religion in Colombia

"Mom, we learned about Internet porn in school today." This was my son's declaration one afternoon while I was hanging out with a friend. "What did you learn about Internet porn," I responded. "Not to do it," he said.
I knew that my son was taking a once a week sex ed class in his fifth grade class. The class was taught in Spanish and we had a notice come home asking permission for our child to participate. I signed without hesitation. The class met for a few weeks and Luke would tell me what they discussed.
Most of it was pretty standard and things that I want him to know and understand. The Internet porn thing though, had me wondering what else was discussed. I went to meet with the school psychologist, the woman who led the sex ed classes, to ask her more about what was covered. She explained to me that the program is comprehensive and starts in kindergarten. Each year the children are taught about their bodies and their sexuality. I was very impressed and told her that in the States the program that I know well that does this is part of my church, I have not seen many schools in this day and age give comprehensive sex ed in this way. She told me that in Colombia sex ed is mandated by law; every child in this country has to participate in sex ed classes.
I asked her then why we got a permission slip. She told me, "We only send the permission slips home to families from the U.S. we know that sometimes they don't want their children to participate."
Wow. I was a bit floored . One the one hand, pleasantly surprised at how progressive the Colombians are in this area and on the other, disappointed at the U.S. education system that, at times, is victim to the culture wars by denying our children a comprehensive and healthy learning of sexuality.
The other class that is mandated by Colombian law in all schools, public and private, is religion.
How intriguing. The two mandatory classes (along with reading, writing arithmetic etc.) are sex education and religion. The two classes are taught separately, for sure, however, I wonder if it wouldn't make more sense to teach them together at the same time.
In light of the gay marriage debate back in the States, it would be an interesting look at what religion teaches us about sexuality. In the case of Colombia, a predominantly Catholic country, sex would be seen through the lens of the Vatican. That would make for quite a thought provoking dialogue. Thankfully, the classes are not integrated and sex ed is taught, in what appears to be, a straightforward manner.
Granted, the views of sex here are still colored by the rigid dictates of the Catholic church. However, prostitution is legal here and same sex couples are permitted by law to register as de facto unions (uniones de hecho), which were previously available only to heterosexual couples and which provide all of the rights of marriage. According to the 1991 Constitution, "de facto unions" are legally equal to marriages. (italic passage from Wikipedia)
In essence, the entire country of Colombia provides more equal rights to its citizens than the majority of the United States. (Huh, and we like to call ourselves advanced.)
In a country where the Catholic church has such a strong influence, prostitution is legal and same sex couples who live together can be afforded the same rights as heterosexual couples. If this is the result of mandatory sex ed and religion in schools, maybe Colombia is on to something......

Where Are the Apples?

This post was written by my friend Fallon, who is also from the States.

The first time I went grocery shopping in Colombia I thought, “That’s weird… Where are the apples?”  I corrected myself as I processed this thought.  The absence of apples in the local market was not weird, just different than the life I was accustomed to living in the United States.  Over time, it became easier to adjust to cultural differences between Colombia and the U.S.  Perhaps I could not find apples, but I learned to love pittaya, maracuya, and mamones. 

Although my adjustment to eating Colombian fruits seems small, it represents an honest effort to understand and accept a culture different than my own.  In the past year, I have confronted and overcome biases I held about Colombians and gained knowledge about what it means to be Latino. 

Check, Please! Understanding Latin American Meals and Time

I sat chatting with my friend in a local restaurant after we finished our lunch. My food was gone, my water was gone, and my eyes darted around the room in search of the waiter so he could bring us the check. We waited for over 20 minutes, until I finally waved him down and asked for it. I paid the bill, annoyed, and left in a hurry. I decided that he was rude. In the United States, we are accustomed to eating a meal in a restaurant in under an hour. In Colombia, going out for lunch may take two and a half. The next time this occurred, my friend smiled and said, “Are you in a hurry?” I replied that I wasn’t, but that the waiter should bring the check once we are finished. She explained that in Colombia, wait staff assume you want to relax and enjoy conversation following a meal. This practice, a custom in many Latin countries, is known as sobremesa. In Colombia, it would be considered rude for the waiter to bring you the check, urging you to leave. Therefore, you must ask for the bill when you are ready. The emphasis is not on eating a meal, but on the opportunity you have to spend quality time with a friend or loved one. My assumption that I would receive a bill immediately following my meal affected my opinion of Colombians in a negative way. I also failed to recognize that the time I spent with my friend, deepening our relationship, was more important than paying the bill.

Another practice I noticed when I moved to Colombia was that everyone arrived late for every event, no matter what it was. I once attended a wedding where even the bride-to-be showed up an hour after the wedding was scheduled to begin. I found this custom irritating at first because in the United States we place an emphasis on arriving early. Lateness is frowned upon in most cases. Rather than be annoyed, I have embraced the fact that lateness is simply a part of the culture and not meant to be discourteous.

Tranquilo....

There is a distinct culture living on the coast of Colombia that differs from the one in Bogota. While I was in Bogota only one week, I experienced it as busy and crowded. I did enjoy listening to people speak Spanish there because it was slow and clear. Here in Cartagena, the city is not as crowded and the pace of life is slow, although the Spanish is not slow. It is fast and often words are cut off. For example, in Bogota, you will hear, "Buenas Dias," said clearly. In Cartagena, you will hear either, "Buenas," or "Buendia." I don't know enough Spanish to give more examples, you'll just have to trust me, it's fast and words are chopped.
There is one word that I hear all the time and that's "tranquilo." Literally, it means tranquil in English, but it's used here to mean, "hey, relax, it's all good." I love hearing it because it is a sweet way of communicating calm.
Recently, I was at the grocery store and as I turned away from perusing a shelf of spices, started pushing a cart. A woman walked quickly to me and said that I had taken her cart by mistake, I was flustered and apologized quickly and she said, "tranquilo," with a smile on her face. People say it when mistakes are made all the time or when someone is in a rush (usually it's someone from the States whose rushing to do something, in general, people here don't rush). Tranquilo. I love that it's part of the culture here. "Hey, relax. No worries. Life is short. Stay tranquil."

Easter Without The Bunny and Spring Without The Daffodils

Easter in Cartagena is celebrated without the  supermarket onslaught of peeps, chocolate bunnies and jelly beans. I actually never heard anyone say Easter in Spanish, everyone refers to the holiday by saying "Semana Santa," which is "Holy Week" in English. I asked people what the word for Easter is and more than one had to take a minute to think about it saying, "We don't really say, Easter, we always refer to the holiday in terms of the entire week." There are parades around the old city of people following statues of Jesus and/or Saints. Religious people will spend the week in contemplative prayer both at home and at church.
Leading up to the Easter holiday season, I expected the supermarkets to have candy displays and aisles of baskets and fake neon colored grass. None of this occurred. The reason I thought it would is that Christmas here has all the commercial trappings of the United States, including fake trees and Santas everywhere. Not so with Easter. The holiday is revered as one that is religious and not one of frivolity. I found it refreshing. Although, I have to admit that my children are not very young, so not searching for eggs or getting loads of candy was not something they particularly missed. Maybe if they were younger, I would feel a bit more nostalgic for these things.
What I did appreciate was the solemn focus of the holiday. After all, the Easter holiday celebrates what is considered the foundation of the Christian faith. If we are honest, we can acknowledge that Peter Cottontail was not in the empty tomb hiding plastic eggs filled with jelly beans. But I digress.
A non-candy filled Easter is not the only thing that struck me this spring. What I miss is seeing the daffodils coming out of the grass after a winter of cold weather and snow. It is the first time in my life that I don't have the feeling of being part of mother nature while she slowly transitions from the long  cold dark nights of winter into  long sunny days and warm nights. I didn't even realized  I was missing this until reading posts from friends on Facebook. They would comment on the signs of spring they saw in their yards, or the gardens they started planting.
While I am here, I will continue to appreciate the wonderful tropical weather that is here, while vicariously enjoying spring through Facebook.

Lessons from Cartagena Pizza

I've heard from some of my U.S. friends living here, "There is no good pizza here in Cartagena." I decided to try it anyway, and I love it, which made me realize two things; first, just because someone doesn't like something, doesn't mean it's bad, second, the pizza here is phenomenal, it is just not New York City style pizza. The pizza here is the same as Italian pizza from Italy.
I have had pizza both in NYC and in different cities in Italy. I enjoy both types of pizza, the thicker crust of the Italian-American pizza and the thin, lightly topped, Italian-from Italy-pizza.
This idea of whether Cartagena pizza is good or bad is a metaphor for how (some) people from the States react to things that are different.
The pizza, restaurants, malls, entertainment and whatever is being compared to the States, is what it is here in Cartagena. It is not meant to be exactly the same as it is in New Jersey, California or North Dakota. It is meant to be from Cartagena, Colombia.
I don't understand the idea that the entire world needs to be one way. The world is rich because of its diversity. How incredibly boring would this planet be if every place we went, the food, the clothes, the shops, the people- were all exactly the same? Isn't that why we travel? To experience diversity, to experience how different cultures live? Why do we go somewhere and immediately compare it to what we left?
I understand that people get homesick and aren't comfortable with change and diversity. I have always thrived on diversity. Part of the reason is, how I grew up, I was always around others who were different than me. I never had the comfort of "sameness," even when visiting Egypt, my family there considered me an American.
Sometimes I want to say to someone who is criticizing Cartagena, "Hey, if you don't compare ...(the pizza,mall,restaurants etc.), you will see that what you dislike is actually fine." I don't because I don't think anything I will say will make a difference. If someone doesn't want to give the pizza here a chance they won't. I can only write my blog and let people know that, in my opinion, there is GREAT pizza in Cartagena, almost exactly like the pizza you will find in Florence, Italy.

The Rains Are Coming....

For the past few weeks I have been hearing, "The rains are coming," from a few of my friends. This is a phrase you are more likely to hear if you live in a tropical climate that has a dry season and a wet season. At first, I thought it was just something people say here when a certain month rolls around, like we start talking about snow in November. But, I realized that it is more than just the time of year, it is a feeling in the air. The weather is changing, instead of the gorgeous clear sunny skies we've enjoyed since January, the air is becoming humid and heavy. We are now seeing cloudy and overcast skies more frequently. Now, when I hear, "The rains are coming," it feels ominous. Almost like something out of a Wes Craven or Stephen King novel. The rains are indeed coming and we are bracing ourselves for the flooding and extremely loud thunder that accompanies them. While on the walking path this morning, I looked at the sky and it was dark and heavy with moisture. I thought about this as a metaphor for life. When we go through life and we experience happiness and contentment, it is inevitable that something will happen to change the perfection we had been experiencing. The rains of life include illness, job changes, family strife and many other things that cause us to stay home and shut the windows and hide from the flood of sadness. I often turn to two things to help me when I am bracing myself for the rains of life, one is the Serenity Prayer and the other is Buddhist philosophy. Both essentially say the same thing, it doesn't matter what happens to you, it is your reaction that will determine how you feel. When the rains were here in the fall, instead of staying in my apartment for hours waiting for the rains to stop and the flooding to recede, I ordered pink plaid rubber boots. I wear them all through the rainy season so I can go out and experience the city- rains, and flooded streets and all. The rains are coming and I can't wait.

Off the Coast of Cartagena

An old fort off the coast of Cartagena. There are many forts around the city.

Another fort.

There are many homes on tiny islands called the Rosario Islands that are just gorgeous.

This is supposedly Pablo Escabor's old vacation home. I have not verified this info, so take it with a grain of salt.

A church you could see from the water.

Cliffs on the way back to Cartagena.